I took a trip to Portland recently to traipse through OSCON. I was mostly in the exhibition hall with all the great schwag and company booths– many which had posted job announcements. While there, I was once again frustrated by a trend I keep seeing. The trend can be described as an “arms race of job announcements,” and has gotten to the point where it’s difficult to find a development job listed by a company that is not seeking a “ninja,” or a “rockstar,” or some similarly absurdly described candidate.

Smart and Gets Things Done

As best I can tell, this trend really took off– even if it didn’t start– with Joel Spolsky’s blog article titled “The Guerrilla Guide to Interviewing.” In that article, he stated that there was one primary requirement for working at Fog Creek Software: “Smart, and gets things done.”

His basic argument, with which I tend to agree, is that it doesn’t really matter what your past qualifications are as much as it matters that you can do to things: 1) Learn shit, and 2) Actually do shit.

His point? If you can’t learn, you’ll be stuck trying to write software in Visual Basic and someone will eventually shove you off of a roof out of frustration. Furthermore, if you don’t actually DO anything, but rather just talk about it, or think about it, or tell others why you could do it better– then you won’t even write software in Visual Basic. You won’t write any software at all, and someone will eventually shove you off of a roof out of frustration.

But if you can learn, it doesn’t matter what you come into the job knowing, because that’s merely a starting point. It’s how your knowledge and skills translate over time that’s important. You can learn <insert whatever you need to do your job here> quickly. I say quickly because you are a DOER, and doers always learn new stuff, so they can DO more stuff.

The most important thing here: The job will probably change, and when it changes, it’s the people who can LEARN, ADAPT and DO that will help the company succeed. The person who came to the job with one incredible skill but can’t learn probably has that one incredible skill in a stupid technology like Visual Basic, and someone will eventually shove–

well, you get the idea.

The problem with catchy words

So, herein lies a bit of the problem. Joel also talks about hiring the best people, treating them like “rockstars,” etc. Again, I think he has a point, but that there are a great deal of people who are stupidly picking up the hot new terms like “rockstar” and “ninja” and using the words, basically, without using their brains.

I see them a lot. Those posting that sound all hip and cool: “Are you a Python Guru?” or “We’re looking for a Ruby Rockstar for-” or “We want a PHP ninja to-” Everytime I see one of them I want to slap them in the head with the nearest O’Reilly book and then vomit.

This type of job posting proves one thing to the very people that you want hire: That they don’t want to work for you.

Why?

Because the very people you want to hire are the ones who describe themselves as “hard working” or “with a lot to learn” or even “not as good as many, but loyal, friendly and likes to learn new things.”

Do you really want to hire a ninja?

What’s a ninja?

It’s such a stupid, overused buzzword! Do you even know what it means? It’s either an assassin or a stupid 14 year old jumping out of a dumpster brandishing a medieval sword.

You don’t want either of those things!

Ninja: It's a word that's THIS overused

Yes, there’s some evidence that a well trained ninja was, if absolutely nothing else, a competent assassin (though the Samurai made fun of them). A ninja is basically a person who does one single thing really well, they kill people, and the rest of life- including the whole “getting along with people” part- they could give a rat’s ass about.

Human interaction to a ninja is “kill them!”

Conflict resolution to a ninja: “Kill them!”

For those who miss my subtly: A ninja programmer’s response to pretty much anything is going to be this: “Do it my way and no-one gets stabbed in the face with my medieval sword.”¹

Think about it. Do you really want to hire someone who does one single thing really well? To the exclusion of things like “showering” and, say “talking to other human beings?”

Ninjas are Zombies!

Here’s a neat trick: think of another stupid, overused buzzword: Zombie. What if I told you that ninjas are just zombies with black bags over their heads?

They do one thing really well: kill people (eating their brains- mostly the brains of your team if you hire them), and they could give a rat’s ass about things like “human interaction” and “conflict resolution.” What’s their solution to everything? “Kill them! (and, since we’re here, we could maybe snack on their brains too…)”

Ninjas are zombies! They’re mindless idiots going around trying to do one thing.

That’s it.

When you say “I want a ninja” you’re saying “you can be a complete asshole, refuse to learn anything new, refuse to respond to other human needs or the needs of the business, and also be a social trainwreck. Oh, and you don’t really need to know, or care, about 90% of programming or computer work, but if you can sit in your hole and <do that one thing well> and not talk to anyone, you’re the guy for us!”

You want a ninja-zombie as your lead developer, don’t you? Admit it.

Rockstars: They go to 11

Alright, I think you get my point, but let me touch upon rockstars for a moment. Here’s another place where I think Joel’s point was completely missed by a lot of people. Joel says “hire the best people you can find and treat them like rockstars” and in pure politician-like “I don’t really want to put any actual cognitive thought into this process, so I’ll just pull a buzzword”-style, job announcements start popping up for undefinable qualities such as “Ruby Rockstar.”

You want these guys in your company?

The mistake here is that all the corporate bozos think “Hey, ‘Rockstar’ is the current buzzword, so I’ll use that too!” without stopping to think about one thing: “Rockstars don’t usually make the best employee material.”

Think of the words “punctual” and “hardworking.” Okay, now, keep those words in your head, and think of the word “rockstar.”

Yeah, your neck hurts doesn’t it?

See what happens when you take things out of context? Joel’s statement was “treat them like rockstars.” In otherwords, treat them like they mean something, like they matter, like the company depends on their happiness… so they will be happy… and do really good work… and make you more money.

The line was emphatically NOT “Make them into rockstars.”

Seriously! Think about your average caricature of a rockstar.² They show up late, drunk, stoned, with a 16 year old’s bra stuck to their belt, and give you a loud, shitty performance of something they don’t feel like playing before hopping back into the bus for more sex, booze, and food.

Okay people, repeat this after me:

“I don’t want to hire a Rockstar!”

A rockstar is probably worse than a ninja, because at least a ninja- or a zombie, for that matter- can do one freakin’ thing well. The only thing the rockstar can do is pray to god that the sound team can mix together the shit they call a studio performance, and that the stage crew can hit blow the fireworks early to cover the guitarist tripping and falling because they’re too freakin stoned to remember that there’s a drumset behind them.

They think of themselves as the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and if you tell them otherwise, they’ll freak out.

Rockstars look good. Full stop.

You know who the rockstar is? It’s the young programmer I met at the Open Source Bridge conference who immediately berated me for using a different database strategy than him– without ever stopping to listen to the problem I was solving, to hear about my application’s design, or to learn why I would choose one over the other.

I was wrong, they were right, and I should really just stop being stupid and do it their way.

Yeah, that’s who I want on my team.

Fucking rockstars.

Are you an incompetent programmer with an overblown sense of self-worth?

Here’s the part that bugs me the most: The people posting these job announcements are actively selecting for people with a tendency to overstate their abilities while understating their faults.

It’s called the Dunning-Kruger effect and it’s well documented in both the scientific literature andpopular journalism.

The basic Gist is this: Incompetent people tend to overstate their abilities and think they are amazing, while highly competent people tend to downplay their skills and think that they are less than amazing.

And you know it’s true.

Go pick the first male rockstar-ninja-zombie programmer you can find and I’ll pick the first quiet, understated female programmer I can find. Then we’ll see which one can actually shut the hell up about how great they are and get something done.

The best people for the job are not the ones who are going to feel comfortable applying for the “Amazing Rockstar!!1!” position for the very reason that they are the ones that you want to hire: because they are too busy being amazed at all the stuff they don’t know to be rockstars who tell you everything that they do know.

They don’t think they know everything. In fact, with everything there is out there, they realize that they know basically nothing. Most importantly: They know that there’s a lot to learn, and they are trying to learn it.

The rockstars? The ninjas? They already know it, and they’ll tell you.

In fact, They’re more than happy to tell you how much they know.

Every single time you interact with them.

Folk Developer: Will learn and be nice for food

I don’t apply to any of these positions because, while there are a lot of things that I am and can do, there are certain things that I am emphatically not. A partial list of the things that I’m not is:

• Rockstar
• Ninja
• Zombie
• Best person in the world at <fill in whatever you want here>

Me, I’m not any of that. And that makes me think, from the majority of jobs I see lately, that I won’t be good enough to make the cut. And let’s face it, if they’re advertising for a rockstar, then I am probably not, because I do a lot of things competently, not one thing better than everyone else including you.

See here’s the thing: I’ve been programming for 25+ years, I’m competent in at least 10 different languages, and really good in at least 4.³ I’ve built everything from robotic control systems to mathematical models, from spatial applications to social web applications. I’ve taught programming, and am about to do so again, and I do other things like start a Ruby users group.

By many-if-not-all accounts, I’d be one hell of a developer to have on a team; yet many teams are seeking rockstars.

I am not a rockstar.

I’m not the guy on stage with lights and explosions and a screaming electric guitar.

I’m the guy who goes to a party and sits on the couch singing a song on a guitar. A really fun song, with really good guitar work, but not anything that needs lights and explosions. I may also pick up a banjo or back someone up on a number of other instruments, but mostly I just stay at the party and hang out with people.

No lights. No explosions.

I’m a folk developer.

I’m a seeker, I’m a learner. I’m a hard worker who will spend his free time coming up to speed on a technology for curiosity as well as success. I’m loyal, I’m friendly, I’ve got a sense of humor and would much rather laugh at myself than at anyone else. I spend my off time programming, like lots of people who love programming, but I also spend my off time playing the Irish flute and banjo, cycling, brewing cider and mead, working in community theater, and lots of other social pursuits.

Despite this (or, rather, because of it) I see myself as little more than “a decent programmer who’s probably not as good as most, but might be better than some.” In fact, I don’t have enough fingers to count the number of jobs I’ve actually turned down because I thought that I was probably not good enough– only to find that someone else was hired whom I actually know that I can outperform.

I am not going to apply for a job as a Python ninja or a Ruby Rockstar, because I’m not a ninja or a rockstar. I’m a person who knows a heck of a lot less about Ruby than many other Ruby programmers.

I’m a person with a lot to learn.

Exactly zero of my qualities describe a rockstar.

Are you an incompetent company with an overblown sense of self-worth?

And I know that’s also true of many of my developer friends and colleagues. Companies select for people who are not them.

Here’s the clincher. Most of those companies who are hiring ninjas and rockstars are probably doing so because they see themselves as ninja and rockstar companies.

They are the companies that say things like “do you want to work in our cool-ass company where everything is better than any other company you’ve ever worked for, where we have foosball all day and are all awesome and badass about everything we do?”

Sound familiar? I’ll bet it does.

It sounds like a rockstar of a company.

1. No, don’t ask your ninja programmer why they have a European weapon, you’ll get stabbed in the face. [↩]
2. which is all we’re really talking about in either case- neither Joel or you are talking about Dar Williams, here. [↩]
3. 5 if we count Ruby, which I’m learning more about every day [↩]